I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
