so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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