Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize