Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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