In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
