I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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