Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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