how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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