am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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