a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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