I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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