So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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