It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
