I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
