So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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