don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
