He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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