Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
