Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
