Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We got so high we made milksteak
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
