$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
