just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize