You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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