why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
