i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
