i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
