Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Boobs are out for the taking
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Randomize