need another drink. this is the easiest way
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I love having hate sex.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
