My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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