Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
