he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
