He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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