Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
