SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
