i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize