Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
