explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize