too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
