Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
