Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
