when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
