yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
