i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
