can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize