I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
