I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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