And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
