at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
