Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.

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(805): View more from California

he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am

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(772): View more from Florida

it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night

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(513): View more from Ohio

So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.

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(813): View more from Florida

Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Say thank you and give him a blowjob.

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