there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
