Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
