in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
