So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
