so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
