My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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