wakey wakey hands off snakey
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
