oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you inspire me to be a worse person
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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