I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
