Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
