Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
