zippers are such a cool invention
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
