i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
