So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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