I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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