I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
