Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
