Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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