Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
