Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
