Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
being pregnant is like rehab
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
