We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
