At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize