I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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