the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
MIDGETS
????
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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